6 weeks

Hopefully the end is near!! Emerson is now up to 4lb 3 oz. This week he was moved to the "well child" side of the NICU which means that other babies need more care than him. He is feeding from a bottle twice a day while his other feeding are still being administered through a tube. It uses a lot of calories to feed with a nipple so the nurses are making him rest so he can gain weight. He will need to take all of his feedings with a nipple before he can go home.

This week he also moved out of his isolate and in to an open crib. It is a great sign that he is holding his own body temperature.

Sophia met her brother for the first time this week and it was magical moment. She loves hugging him and is constantly trying to hold him. When we got back to the house she grabbed her sippy cup and practiced swaddling and feeding her babies. Dropping her and daddy off at the airport was one of the toughest moments to date.

Today I woke with a feeling if yuck. Not the type of yuck from the flu but the kind of yuck that you feel when your faith is being tested.... I recently heard the saying, "if you want to hear God laugh tell him your plans." The last 6 weeks I have been trusting....and then trusting...and then trusting some more. Emerson is an amazing miracle that only God himself could have orchestrated yet today I woke up wanting to go to the hospital, get my baby, and GO HOME!! I came close to throwing myself on the floor like a 2 year old but instead I had some quiet time and this is what I read...God is your refuge and STRENGTH, an ever-present help in trouble. I read the word strength and burst in to tears. I need STRENGTH that only HE can provide for me at this point. Only HE knows when we are going home and HE has the perfect plan in place. The tantrum still sounds inviting but I am close to bringing our son home so for today I will put my big girl pants back on and continue to trust!

5 weeks

What a glorious week! My mom and sis were here until Tues which helped break up my schedule. Emerson ended up having a blood transfusion on Saturday and I was the donor. How crazy that the first time I ever donate blood I was a perfect match for my son. His transfusion also added 80 grams of weight...HUGE number for a preemie! Yesterday he was at 3lb 10oz. The doctor switches him between formula and donor breast milk every other feeding.

Last night Sophia met her brother  and Troy held his son for the first time. When we flew down here to finalize the adoption he was in a very fragile state so we limited our hands on time with him. 

With all four of us sitting there I had this overwhelming feeling of completeness. It was only 3 years ago that I had totally come to terms with the fact that I would never be a mommy..luckily God is in charge...he has a much better plan for my life when I surrender to HIM!

(The last picture is Sophia with some very special care packages we opened from friends back home)

4 weeks old

Not much changed this week in the world if Emerson. He has been slow to put on weight and it is now a little bit of a concern for the doctors. Today was shift change for the doctors (they go 2 weeks on then 2 weeks off) and today's doctor is like Tigger! He is very fast paced and ready to fatten Emerson up. I think this doc and I are going to get along GREAT. He is thinking if moving him off donor breast milk on to a high calorie formula to see how he reacts.

There is also talk of Emerson needing a blood transfusion within the week because his red blood cells are low. The day after we adopted him Troy and I donated blood. This was my first time donating so I had no idea what blood type I even was! I wasn't a match for Emerson but luckily Troy is! It is really cool knowing Emerson may have Troy's blood running through him.

A question that I keep getting in the hospital is, "did you get to meet his real mom?" Now, I should clarify that this has been a common question with both of our kids and here is the answer....I am their real mommy and Troy is their real daddy. Both of my children have amazing birth mommies and daddies but WE are the real deal.

3 weeks old

Just a quick update on Emerson....he is now 2lb 14oz of pure cuteness. I have been able to hold him twice a day for 2-3 hours at a time. The nurses are surprised at how much he loves to be held. I guess preemies are sensitive to too much stimulation but Emerson curls up like a koala bear. Our main goal is to fatten this baby up with extra protein in his formula. He is still on a continuous feed through a tube but he has been practicing using a NUK!

I won't be home in time for Christmas but a Florida Christmas doesn't seem half bad. I haven't even thought of gifts, a tree, or snow! It is crazy what falls off your list of importance when you have a baby in the hospital.

I have been staying at the Ronald McDonald house in St Petersburg and let me tell you...this place is such a blessing. The staff is very welcoming and you wouldn't believe the people that give up their free time to serve us dinner....it makes me tear up watching them be the hands and feet of Jesus. This is an organization that my kids will always know is special to our family.

Thank you to all of you who continue to pray for us. The first 3 days of our family being apart were the the worst but Troy reminded of something I said in the NICU the day we adopted Emerson........ "This little boy needs a strong mommy and daddy and we can do anything with God on our side."

So in love...

On Tuesday I held Emerson for the first time and I instantly fell in love! I had wondered if you could really love your second child as much as your first...well, my dad was right....your heart finds more love than you ever thought you had. I fed him 1cc of donor milk to get his tummy used to food but he wasn't a fan. The nurses say they will continue with the feeds until he keeps it down.

The team of doctors that we met yesterday said he will have his ups and downs but nothing is out of the normal. He is off all oxygen and tomorrow they hope to put a pick line in him to reduce the risk of infections. He had another Ecocardiogram today to monitor his heart murmur. They are watching to make sure it doesn't get any larger and they are on the fence with giving him meds to help it heal. I guess we will wait and see.

We are currently back in Minnesota getting life in order and I hope to return down within the next couple of weeks. The doctors goal is for me to be there enough to help facilitate in his care. It gives me anxiety to think of being away from home for 4-6 weeks but I have two children to think about now and Emerson needs me way more than Sophia and Troy do.

Thanks again for everyone's thoughts and prayers. I don't have many answers at this point but I trust that God has a plan way better than my own!

Circle of Life

The last week has been such a whirlwind and it is too much to update on a Facebook post.

On Saturday night my sister called saying that a woman she kept in contact with from her adoption agency had a baby that was born Friday night. The birth mom had a family picked out but due to the fact that the baby was born at 31 weeks, they backed out. Troy and I decided that we would have our book shown to the family and if it was God's plan..we would go forward.

 Life took a crazy turn early Sunday morning. I had to call 911 when grams health was rapidly declining. My brother in law and I followed the ambulance and prayed on the phone with my mom. I always pray when I see an ambulance, and now here I was...calling out to God for my own tragedy. The doctor was hooking my grams up to all these machines and asking me a bunch of questions when my phone rang....the case worker was asking if she could show our photo book. What a roller coaster of emotion running through me at that moment. 

My grams test results came back and the hospital decided that they would need to airlift her because they felt she needed more care than they could offer her. My brother in law and sat in the parking lot waiting for the chopper to leave with my grams. I started to feel uneasy about how long it was taking so I went back in the hospital to ask what was going on. They said they were getting ready to go and asked if I wanted to see her before they left. I walked back to her, kissed her forehead, told her I loved her and that she was going to be ok.......my grams never made it on to the chopper. The doctor said that she went in to cardiac arrest after I left. Thank you Jesus for letting me tell my grams that I love her one last time.

Here comes the part about the circle of life....shortly after pulling out the hospital parking lot my phone rang. The birth mom chose us and wanted us to get on the next flight to Florida. Whhhatttttt! Was this really happening? Fast forward 16 hours and we were on our way to the airport to Bradenton Florida. Our flight landed, we rented a car, and off to the hospital. Our caseworker met us in the lobby and took us up to meet our birth momma! She is an amazingly beautiful and smart woman. She walked us in to NICU to meet our new baby boy....Emerson Michael. He was born at 31 weeks but developmentally he is around 28 weeks do to birth moms high blood pressure.He is perfect in every way and we can't wait to have Sophia meet her baby brother.

We are realizing having a preemie bring a whole new excitement and fear to parenting. We aren't sure what God has in store for our little family but Troy and I know Emerson needs and mommy and daddy who are solid in their faith and willing to be his cheerleader. Here are some pics from our visit today.

Troy and his baby boy

changing his diaper..he peed all over me. This also was the first time I got to touch him!

Daddy touching his son for the first time

Thank you for your prayers. We have long road ahead of us and we ask for grace. It seems to be a minute to minute journey. We are flying back to Minnesota tomorrow to get things in order and I hope to be back down very soon. They say that I can hold him tonight or tomorrow. Skin to skin bonding seems ver scary to me when he is so little but the nurses reassure me it is ok! 

I hope to keep this blog up to date and answer questions so check back often and pray, pray pray!