Adoption Excitement

Adoption has been at the heart of many of my conversations but the idea of adopting a 3rd baby has been bouncing around consistently for the last 4 months. Many of you know that it was almost a year ago that we opened a new home study to adopt Emerson's biological sister. We were content with our 2 babies but the idea of a 3rd quickly caught on.We started thinking of moving around rooms and changing out car seats. The excitement was short lived because Emerson's birth mommy chose to parent the little girl in the end. Our hearts were broken but that is the reality of adoption. Looking back now we see that moment was the first whisper.... "what would it be like to have 3?"

So here we are...home study visit was last night and the ball is rolling. Troy and I talk a lot about how our adoptions cause us to put all of our trust in the Lord! With each of adoptions I walk away a changed women more on fire for a God who gets me through it! We cant wait to see what his plan is in the coming months and we ask for prayers.

"Now I am jumping for joy, and shouting and singing my thanks to him." Psalm 28:7

6 weeks

Hopefully the end is near!! Emerson is now up to 4lb 3 oz. This week he was moved to the "well child" side of the NICU which means that other babies need more care than him. He is feeding from a bottle twice a day while his other feeding are still being administered through a tube. It uses a lot of calories to feed with a nipple so the nurses are making him rest so he can gain weight. He will need to take all of his feedings with a nipple before he can go home.

This week he also moved out of his isolate and in to an open crib. It is a great sign that he is holding his own body temperature.

Sophia met her brother for the first time this week and it was magical moment. She loves hugging him and is constantly trying to hold him. When we got back to the house she grabbed her sippy cup and practiced swaddling and feeding her babies. Dropping her and daddy off at the airport was one of the toughest moments to date.

Today I woke with a feeling if yuck. Not the type of yuck from the flu but the kind of yuck that you feel when your faith is being tested.... I recently heard the saying, "if you want to hear God laugh tell him your plans." The last 6 weeks I have been trusting....and then trusting...and then trusting some more. Emerson is an amazing miracle that only God himself could have orchestrated yet today I woke up wanting to go to the hospital, get my baby, and GO HOME!! I came close to throwing myself on the floor like a 2 year old but instead I had some quiet time and this is what I read...God is your refuge and STRENGTH, an ever-present help in trouble. I read the word strength and burst in to tears. I need STRENGTH that only HE can provide for me at this point. Only HE knows when we are going home and HE has the perfect plan in place. The tantrum still sounds inviting but I am close to bringing our son home so for today I will put my big girl pants back on and continue to trust!

5 weeks

What a glorious week! My mom and sis were here until Tues which helped break up my schedule. Emerson ended up having a blood transfusion on Saturday and I was the donor. How crazy that the first time I ever donate blood I was a perfect match for my son. His transfusion also added 80 grams of weight...HUGE number for a preemie! Yesterday he was at 3lb 10oz. The doctor switches him between formula and donor breast milk every other feeding.

Last night Sophia met her brother  and Troy held his son for the first time. When we flew down here to finalize the adoption he was in a very fragile state so we limited our hands on time with him. 

With all four of us sitting there I had this overwhelming feeling of completeness. It was only 3 years ago that I had totally come to terms with the fact that I would never be a mommy..luckily God is in charge...he has a much better plan for my life when I surrender to HIM!

(The last picture is Sophia with some very special care packages we opened from friends back home)

4 weeks old

Not much changed this week in the world if Emerson. He has been slow to put on weight and it is now a little bit of a concern for the doctors. Today was shift change for the doctors (they go 2 weeks on then 2 weeks off) and today's doctor is like Tigger! He is very fast paced and ready to fatten Emerson up. I think this doc and I are going to get along GREAT. He is thinking if moving him off donor breast milk on to a high calorie formula to see how he reacts.

There is also talk of Emerson needing a blood transfusion within the week because his red blood cells are low. The day after we adopted him Troy and I donated blood. This was my first time donating so I had no idea what blood type I even was! I wasn't a match for Emerson but luckily Troy is! It is really cool knowing Emerson may have Troy's blood running through him.

A question that I keep getting in the hospital is, "did you get to meet his real mom?" Now, I should clarify that this has been a common question with both of our kids and here is the answer....I am their real mommy and Troy is their real daddy. Both of my children have amazing birth mommies and daddies but WE are the real deal.

3 weeks old

Just a quick update on Emerson....he is now 2lb 14oz of pure cuteness. I have been able to hold him twice a day for 2-3 hours at a time. The nurses are surprised at how much he loves to be held. I guess preemies are sensitive to too much stimulation but Emerson curls up like a koala bear. Our main goal is to fatten this baby up with extra protein in his formula. He is still on a continuous feed through a tube but he has been practicing using a NUK!

I won't be home in time for Christmas but a Florida Christmas doesn't seem half bad. I haven't even thought of gifts, a tree, or snow! It is crazy what falls off your list of importance when you have a baby in the hospital.

I have been staying at the Ronald McDonald house in St Petersburg and let me tell you...this place is such a blessing. The staff is very welcoming and you wouldn't believe the people that give up their free time to serve us dinner....it makes me tear up watching them be the hands and feet of Jesus. This is an organization that my kids will always know is special to our family.

Thank you to all of you who continue to pray for us. The first 3 days of our family being apart were the the worst but Troy reminded of something I said in the NICU the day we adopted Emerson........ "This little boy needs a strong mommy and daddy and we can do anything with God on our side."

So in love...

On Tuesday I held Emerson for the first time and I instantly fell in love! I had wondered if you could really love your second child as much as your first...well, my dad was right....your heart finds more love than you ever thought you had. I fed him 1cc of donor milk to get his tummy used to food but he wasn't a fan. The nurses say they will continue with the feeds until he keeps it down.

The team of doctors that we met yesterday said he will have his ups and downs but nothing is out of the normal. He is off all oxygen and tomorrow they hope to put a pick line in him to reduce the risk of infections. He had another Ecocardiogram today to monitor his heart murmur. They are watching to make sure it doesn't get any larger and they are on the fence with giving him meds to help it heal. I guess we will wait and see.

We are currently back in Minnesota getting life in order and I hope to return down within the next couple of weeks. The doctors goal is for me to be there enough to help facilitate in his care. It gives me anxiety to think of being away from home for 4-6 weeks but I have two children to think about now and Emerson needs me way more than Sophia and Troy do.

Thanks again for everyone's thoughts and prayers. I don't have many answers at this point but I trust that God has a plan way better than my own!

Circle of Life

The last week has been such a whirlwind and it is too much to update on a Facebook post.

On Saturday night my sister called saying that a woman she kept in contact with from her adoption agency had a baby that was born Friday night. The birth mom had a family picked out but due to the fact that the baby was born at 31 weeks, they backed out. Troy and I decided that we would have our book shown to the family and if it was God's plan..we would go forward.

 Life took a crazy turn early Sunday morning. I had to call 911 when grams health was rapidly declining. My brother in law and I followed the ambulance and prayed on the phone with my mom. I always pray when I see an ambulance, and now here I was...calling out to God for my own tragedy. The doctor was hooking my grams up to all these machines and asking me a bunch of questions when my phone rang....the case worker was asking if she could show our photo book. What a roller coaster of emotion running through me at that moment. 

My grams test results came back and the hospital decided that they would need to airlift her because they felt she needed more care than they could offer her. My brother in law and sat in the parking lot waiting for the chopper to leave with my grams. I started to feel uneasy about how long it was taking so I went back in the hospital to ask what was going on. They said they were getting ready to go and asked if I wanted to see her before they left. I walked back to her, kissed her forehead, told her I loved her and that she was going to be ok.......my grams never made it on to the chopper. The doctor said that she went in to cardiac arrest after I left. Thank you Jesus for letting me tell my grams that I love her one last time.

Here comes the part about the circle of life....shortly after pulling out the hospital parking lot my phone rang. The birth mom chose us and wanted us to get on the next flight to Florida. Whhhatttttt! Was this really happening? Fast forward 16 hours and we were on our way to the airport to Bradenton Florida. Our flight landed, we rented a car, and off to the hospital. Our caseworker met us in the lobby and took us up to meet our birth momma! She is an amazingly beautiful and smart woman. She walked us in to NICU to meet our new baby boy....Emerson Michael. He was born at 31 weeks but developmentally he is around 28 weeks do to birth moms high blood pressure.He is perfect in every way and we can't wait to have Sophia meet her baby brother.

We are realizing having a preemie bring a whole new excitement and fear to parenting. We aren't sure what God has in store for our little family but Troy and I know Emerson needs and mommy and daddy who are solid in their faith and willing to be his cheerleader. Here are some pics from our visit today.

Troy and his baby boy

changing his diaper..he peed all over me. This also was the first time I got to touch him!

Daddy touching his son for the first time

Thank you for your prayers. We have long road ahead of us and we ask for grace. It seems to be a minute to minute journey. We are flying back to Minnesota tomorrow to get things in order and I hope to be back down very soon. They say that I can hold him tonight or tomorrow. Skin to skin bonding seems ver scary to me when he is so little but the nurses reassure me it is ok! 

I hope to keep this blog up to date and answer questions so check back often and pray, pray pray!

Life Happens!

Nope, I did not fall off the face of the earth, just became a new mommy!!! Luckily, I put some seeds in the ground before she arrived because that is about all the time I have had for my garden. Luckily it doesn't take much to grow a garden. I have been able to harvest, spinach, radishes, tomatoes, peppers, watermelon, spaghetti squash, carrots, zucchini, beans, peas, oregano, and lavender.  My pumpkin, butternut squash, and birdhouse gourds shouldn't be far behind.  Canning is usually a big event around this house but I am finding that dehydrating takes a lot less time. Tomatoes, oregano, and lavender are all in there as we speak.

Here are some pictures I have been meaning to post:

This was the garden in June

I was able to make baby food with all the crops. This zucchini is all ready for the freezer. 

During the warm weather the chickens enjoyed their coop being filled with water. Standing in cold water kept their body heat down.

Now, to my favorite season of all.....FALL.  There is something about the way life slows down and the nesting occurs right before winter.  I love the cool weather and enjoy drinking a hot coffee again.  You can go outside without being eaten by mosquitoes and enjoy a blazing campfire. It is also the perfect time to bundle up and enjoy the company of someone the you love!!!

CHEERS TO FALL!

Our adoption story

2005

Our journey to be parents began 8 years ago.  Immediately after getting married we knew we wanted to start our family.  We were surrounded by nieces and nephews so being a mom and dad seemed like a natural plan for us.  After 2 years of trying on our own I brought it up to my OBGYN.  He said that 2 years was long enough to try, and he sent us to get a tubal dye test and my husband’s sperm tested.  Both tests came back normal so he ordered me to get on Chlomid.   Not only did insurance not cover chlomid, but I felt like an emotional wreck. 

2008

A year later my OBGYN said that there was nothing more he could do, so he sent me to a specialist in infertility.  It took me months to wrap my head around that word…infertility?!?!  My doctor didn’t even know what was wrong with me and now he is telling me I have infertility issues.  The specialist suggested I do a laparoscopy to see how my uterus along with my tubes looked.  It was then that he found endometriosis on my fallopian tubes.  The doctor said it was nothing to worry about and proceeded with artificial insemination. Our first time, we produced 3 healthy follicles, only to find out 2 weeks later that none of them took.  For our second procedure I produced 5 (yes you read that right!!!) healthy eggs.  The doctor asked us if we wanted to proceed with insemination.  My husband and I had to stop and pray in the exam room.  Never have we dreamed of having 5 kids, but we went ahead with the insemination. We wanted Gods will to be done.  I was sore for the next two weeks only to find out NONE of the eggs took.  We tried insemination 1 more time.  Our doctor sat us down and said our insurance benefits had been exhausted and there wasn’t anything he could do for us.  We were determined to be parents so he referred us to a well-known team of in-vitro doctors.

2010

We needed a break from it all. My husband needed an emotional break and I was physically exhausted.  One day my husband and I both came home from work and began telling each other about our day. To make a long story short, a client of mine randomly gave me a card to her in-vitro doctor. My husband told me his server at dinner handed him a card with the name of his wife’s in-vitro doctor.  We matched up all the cards and they were  from the same team our doctor referred us to. We took this as a sign from God to get our butts in gear.

Before we started in-vitro my husband and I decided 2 rounds was all we could mentally and physically afford. We knew insurance wouldn’t cover a dime.  The doctor’s office was 60 miles one way, so 5 times a week meant a lot of time in the car. We administered 4 shots per day and I had to wear an estrogen patch. Keep in mind, the doctors still had no answer to why we weren’t getting pregnant.  It is such a blessing that I have an amazing husband because I did not feel like a normal wife.  Both times we had 2 healthy embryos implanted and both times were a complete fail.  My husband I spent some time mourning the loss of those 4 healthy embryos. I never thought we would talk about being parents again. It was so heartbreaking that unless people have been through it, I don’t think that they can truly understand. To spend $33,000.00 and have to walk away with nothing to show was devestating.

2013

The idea of adopting has always been on our minds but being vulnerable again was not something we were ready for until now. We have been asked countless times if we were going to have kids but the answer never seemed clear. We wanted so badly to have kids but it seemed so far away. It wasn’t until recently my husband said, “Ya know Kel, I have never stopped wanting to be a dad.”  His eyes filled up with tears and it was then that I knew adoption was exactly where we needed to be. I knew that we were finally strong enough to get back in the saddle and do whatever it took to fill our house with the love of a child.  We are open to gender, age, race, and siblings.  We have put it in God’s hands and it gives us such peace knowing that He is in charge.  We can’t wait for the day that we get to hold God’s gift in our arms and look back at the journey it took to get us right where He wanted us.