So in love...

On Tuesday I held Emerson for the first time and I instantly fell in love! I had wondered if you could really love your second child as much as your first...well, my dad was right....your heart finds more love than you ever thought you had. I fed him 1cc of donor milk to get his tummy used to food but he wasn't a fan. The nurses say they will continue with the feeds until he keeps it down.

The team of doctors that we met yesterday said he will have his ups and downs but nothing is out of the normal. He is off all oxygen and tomorrow they hope to put a pick line in him to reduce the risk of infections. He had another Ecocardiogram today to monitor his heart murmur. They are watching to make sure it doesn't get any larger and they are on the fence with giving him meds to help it heal. I guess we will wait and see.

We are currently back in Minnesota getting life in order and I hope to return down within the next couple of weeks. The doctors goal is for me to be there enough to help facilitate in his care. It gives me anxiety to think of being away from home for 4-6 weeks but I have two children to think about now and Emerson needs me way more than Sophia and Troy do.

Thanks again for everyone's thoughts and prayers. I don't have many answers at this point but I trust that God has a plan way better than my own!

Circle of Life

The last week has been such a whirlwind and it is too much to update on a Facebook post.

On Saturday night my sister called saying that a woman she kept in contact with from her adoption agency had a baby that was born Friday night. The birth mom had a family picked out but due to the fact that the baby was born at 31 weeks, they backed out. Troy and I decided that we would have our book shown to the family and if it was God's plan..we would go forward.

 Life took a crazy turn early Sunday morning. I had to call 911 when grams health was rapidly declining. My brother in law and I followed the ambulance and prayed on the phone with my mom. I always pray when I see an ambulance, and now here I was...calling out to God for my own tragedy. The doctor was hooking my grams up to all these machines and asking me a bunch of questions when my phone rang....the case worker was asking if she could show our photo book. What a roller coaster of emotion running through me at that moment. 

My grams test results came back and the hospital decided that they would need to airlift her because they felt she needed more care than they could offer her. My brother in law and sat in the parking lot waiting for the chopper to leave with my grams. I started to feel uneasy about how long it was taking so I went back in the hospital to ask what was going on. They said they were getting ready to go and asked if I wanted to see her before they left. I walked back to her, kissed her forehead, told her I loved her and that she was going to be ok.......my grams never made it on to the chopper. The doctor said that she went in to cardiac arrest after I left. Thank you Jesus for letting me tell my grams that I love her one last time.

Here comes the part about the circle of life....shortly after pulling out the hospital parking lot my phone rang. The birth mom chose us and wanted us to get on the next flight to Florida. Whhhatttttt! Was this really happening? Fast forward 16 hours and we were on our way to the airport to Bradenton Florida. Our flight landed, we rented a car, and off to the hospital. Our caseworker met us in the lobby and took us up to meet our birth momma! She is an amazingly beautiful and smart woman. She walked us in to NICU to meet our new baby boy....Emerson Michael. He was born at 31 weeks but developmentally he is around 28 weeks do to birth moms high blood pressure.He is perfect in every way and we can't wait to have Sophia meet her baby brother.

We are realizing having a preemie bring a whole new excitement and fear to parenting. We aren't sure what God has in store for our little family but Troy and I know Emerson needs and mommy and daddy who are solid in their faith and willing to be his cheerleader. Here are some pics from our visit today.

Troy and his baby boy

changing his diaper..he peed all over me. This also was the first time I got to touch him!

Daddy touching his son for the first time

Thank you for your prayers. We have long road ahead of us and we ask for grace. It seems to be a minute to minute journey. We are flying back to Minnesota tomorrow to get things in order and I hope to be back down very soon. They say that I can hold him tonight or tomorrow. Skin to skin bonding seems ver scary to me when he is so little but the nurses reassure me it is ok! 

I hope to keep this blog up to date and answer questions so check back often and pray, pray pray!